Abuser and Victim Call Attention to Domestic Violence

Greg Williamson and Gwendolyn Turner

MEMPHIS, TN – Domestic violence is not a respecter of persons, Greg Williamson, a former abuser, believes. “It’s multicultural,” he said. “Abusers come in many forms, different ages.”

Likewise for the victims. Many of them are women whom men have battered or degraded. Or both. 

Men have been victimized too, though only a miniscule number. Women have been known to batter or degrade men as well.

“It is a power and control type situation. That's where it starts,” said Gwendolyn Turner, a survivor of domestic violence. “Whatever the reason for the power and control, it’s always a main component.”

Williamson and Turner agree that the root cause of domestic violence is environmental and because of one’s family dynamics, which impacts both abusers and victims. 

It affects the entire family, he said.

The environment was Williamson’s introduction to domestic violence. He grew up in the inner city in the former (William H.) Foote Homes housing project where violence was commonplace. 

He sold drugs too in a drug-infested environment of hoodlums, pimps, prostitutes, and other seedy characters. It was a toxic environment that was normalized, he said, “when you see it on the regular.”

“I saw domestic violence all my childhood and growing up as a teenager,” said Williamson, calling such wanton violence a traumatic experience that manifested later in his life.

“When you get to a point where you're old enough to act out on them…you will find out that when you get angry, those are the things that you go back to because those are the things that you witnessed,” he explained.

He’d abused women in relationships, he said, only when the abuse was triggered by something from his past. “Mine was more verbal,” he said, “a little bit of physical with the grabbing under the arms and shaking.” 

Turner’s story differs. She’d never witnessed domestic violence – until she was embroiled in a volatile relationship that began with a constant barrage of verbal abuse, mental abuse, and emotional abuse. 

“With emotional abuse, those are hidden scars, hidden wounds. My downfall was I did not know the red flags, the signs, the warning signs of domestic violence,” Turner explained.

 Turner was seven years into the relationship before realizing she was a victim of domestic violence. “It’s hard to detect violence before you get into the relationship,” she said.

Her parents argued, she pointed out, but they didn’t fight. “There was never any violence,” she said. “There was never any turmoil.” 

Domestic violence was foreign to her. She was clueless. “I simply thought that this was an expression of love,” she said. “It's that controlling and mental abuse that you don't recognize.”

Williamson grew up without a father in the home. There wasn’t a male figure to teach him to respect women, he said – even though he didn’t see as much abuse in his single-parent home. 

He said his mother wasn't the kind of woman who would capitulate to an abusive man. “So, when it happened, it immediately stopped,” he said.

But the violence Williamson had witnessed outside the home, in and around the housing project, would find its way into his relationships as an adult. 

He’d picked up negative traits and bad behavior from the perpetrators of violence and employed them when he was angered or agitated. There were triggers that unleashed his fury.

Turner had had enough and broke free from her abuser. Then she turned her victimhood into advocacy. A former employee at Family Safety Center of Memphis and Shelby County, she went to work to help battered women – men too.

“I had the opportunity of working with three generations (of women). They were all being physically abused. It's an acceptable part of the family dynamics,” said Turner, now a renown domestic violence advocate.

“I heard a pastor say once, ‘you draw what you saw,’” she said, adding: “Abusers also target their victims.”

Williamson managed to turn his life around as well. He met an evangelist in the church and befriended her. “I started going to church every Sunday, and God started to work on me,” he said.

During lunch one day, she confided in him that she’d been a victim of domestic violence. He told her he’d been an abuser. Then they brainstormed and a non-profit organization was launched called Circle of Life Transformation Center. 

The center provides domestic violence training for companies, schools, churches, and other non-profit and for-profit organizations. Ex-offenders are given a new lease on life as well via the center’s re-entry program.

“God worked on me and showed me the value of a woman and the purpose of a man,” said Williamson, owner of Kings Barber & Beauty Emporium. Now he intends to return to school for a mental health counseling degree.

“The process of healing starts with separating yourself from the abuser,” Turner said. In society, “we don't have enough hard conversations about what a healthy relationship looks like.”

Victims can call the YWCA Greater Memphis helpline at 901-725-4277; the helpline for CAAP’s Domestic Violence Program at 901-272-2221; and, of course, the Family Safety Center’s helpline at 901-249-7611. 

Young men can contact Dr. Jeffery Ryan Futrell, president of Young Man University, Inc., at 901-825-3326. There is help for married couples too. Contact Rickey Floyd, lead senior pastor of Pursuit of God Transformation Center, at 901-353-5772.

Floyd is the president of The Husband Institute, Inc., a boys-to-men mentoring program, and he’s the founder of the School of Marriage Enhancement, a Ricky and Sheila Floyd Ministries, Inc. program.

Michel’le lends her voice to ending domestic violence

It would be difficult to mistake the unmistakable voice of Michel’le Toussant in casual conversation. That’s because her seriously high-pitched, squeaky voice rings with familiarity.

Now if you’ve only heard Michel’le (pronounced MEESH-uh-lay) sing soul-stirring rhythm and blues songs, you wouldn’t believe she is the owner of that spirited, child-like voice.

The duality of Michel’le’s voice is her claim to fame. However, those who know the two sides of the Grammy-nominated vocalist and actress would also find it difficult to believe that she is a domestic violence survivor.

Michel’le will share her story when she keynotes the YWCA of Greater Memphis’ 20^th benefit luncheon at the Holiday Inn – University of Memphis, 3700 Central Ave., on March 8 at 12 noon.

Michelle Toussant

Proceeds will be used to provide services and shelter for women and children grappling with domestic violence. More than $100,000 has been raised so far since the benefit luncheon’s onset 20 years ago.

 “We have a speaker each year and Michele’le has agreed to be our speaker this year,” said Pamela Williams Kelly, board member of the YWCA and benefit luncheon publicity chair.

“We wanted someone who could speak to the issues, challenges and opportunities of the women that we service each and every day,” said Jacquelyn Williams, YWCA’s executive director. “She can speak to a lot of things that our clients are going through every day.”

“As a doctor, I know that domestic abuse is more than a physical scar. It also affects the person emotionally,” said Dr. Sylvia Ritchie, board chair of YWCA of Greater Memphis.

Michel’le’s “scars” were more than she could handle, which literally forced her from the music scene after scoring such chart-toppers as “Turn off the Lights,” “Nticety” and “Something in My Heart.”

The songstress went missing from the limelight for a while and returned as a reality TV star on R&B Divas: LA from 2013 to 2015. The world would learn why Michel’le went missing in the October 2016 Lifetime made for TV movie “Surviving Compton: Dre, Suge and Michel’le.”

She tells the story of how she struggled with substance abuse, financial uncertainty, and physical abuse by the fathers of her children, N.W.A founder, Dr. Dre and Suge Knight, founder of DeathRow Records.

Michel’le once attempted suicide years after the physical abuse ended. She is not alone. There are countless women and men teetering on the edge of suicide in a desperate attempt to end the constant pain and abuse.

“By her coming and speaking to the audience, which should include some clients of ours as well, hopefully she can leave a message that they can take back and have their lives changed as a result,” said Williams.

Domestic violence is a scourge that affects tens of millions in the United States. Women suffer the most at the hands of their intimate partner (1.3 million each year). Men are victimized too.

A lot of victims are afraid to come forward, Kelly added.

One in three women and one in four men have been victims of some form of physical violence within their lifetime, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence has reported.

“At the YWCA, we are aware that our clients need services that extend beyond medical care,” said Ritchie. “The community’s support of this luncheon helps us to meet those needs.”

Service programs at the YWCA include a Domestic Violence Crisis Line, Emergency Shelter, YWCA Memphis Family Shelter, Victim Advocacy, Immigrant Women’s Services, Job Training, Community Education, Racial Justice, and Childcare.

It has been a 97-year effort and commitment from the YWCA to eliminate racism, empower women and promote peace, justice, freedom and liberty for all. Ending domestic violence is the cornerstone of that commitment.

Luncheon tickets are $100 and can be purchased online at https://ywcamemphisluncheon2017.eventbrite.com. For more information, call (901) 210-6551 or (901) 320-6002.

‘OVERCOMERS’ – A Story of Survivors

Tajuana Clark fought as much as she could to stop the onslaught of verbal, psychological and physical abuse for nearly half of her 8½ years of marriage. After reaching the breaking point, she bolted with her six children and ended up homeless on the streets of Memphis.

     More than 11 years of marriage also ended for Dione Pruitt, who was subjected to her husband’s cruelty of verbal, psychological and physical abuse. She vamoosed with her five children, risking it all. With nowhere to turn and no one to turn to, sleeping in the car was her only recourse.

     According to The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2010 Summary Report, about 1 in 4 women (24.3 percent) and 1 in 7 men (13.8 percent) have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner.

Tajuana Clark (seated), Dione Pruitt (left)
and Wanda Taylor. (Photo: Wiley Henry)

     The survey also reported that nearly half of all women and men in the United States have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime (48.4 percent and 48.8 percent, respectively).

     Count Clark and Pruitt among the ranks. They were victimized by men purporting to love them, men with a propensity for violence, the third leading cause of homelessness among families. Their stories are similar and all too familiar. But then they found solace and renewal at LINCS (Ladies In Need Can Survive). 
With intense training, they were able to turn their lives around.

From crisis to rehabilitation…

     LINCS is a non-profit “home away from home” in the Frayser community for women who have been psychologically and physically abused, incarcerated, or struggling with poverty, substance abuse and homelessness.  

     Since LINCS’ opening during the summer of 2013, seven women have completed a structured, intensive training program: Drug and Alcohol Intensive Outpatient Program, Counseling, Anger Management, Domestic Violence Education, Parenting & Life Skills Coaching, Job Readiness, Career and Financial Planning, Educational Guidance, the Health and Wellness Program, First Aid/CPR and SIDS Training, and Housing Assistance.

     “We can house four women at a time, but I won’t leave a lady out because I can’t house them,” said Wanda Taylor, LINCS’ CEO and executive director. If the facility is full, she continues to extend a hand to feed other women or refers them to other facilities.

     “Every woman who comes through the door, I mentor them and provide services to get them back on track,” said Taylor. “Other programs deal with the addiction. I deal with the core issue, the root cause.”

     Women in distress are referred to LINCS by churches and a number of organizations, such as the YWCA, The Salvation Army, Friends For Life, Serenity Recovery Centers, Inc., and Project Homeless Connect Memphis.

Tajuana Clark: 
Failure is not an option

     “Being at the center taught me that dreams do come true,” said Clark, who underwent a rigorous training program to address her myriad problems. “I got into a good program so I wouldn’t be stuck in bondage.”
Clark received counseling, went back to high school to get her diploma, got a job, and then matriculated at National College in Memphis to become a pharmacy technician. Then it was on to Tennessee Academy of Cosmetology after National College closed its doors.

     “My career goal is to be a nurse practitioner,” said Clark, 30, who never thought any of her dreams would come to fruition. “I felt like I had a learning disability, but I was encouraged that it wasn’t too late for me.”
Once in school, Clark made good grades – A’s and B’s. “I knew I had it, but I felt I’d taken too long to get my diploma.”

     “Tajuana has completed the program and has done exceptionally well since she’s been in school,” said Taylor. “Now she has a positive outlook on life, no longer receives public assistance, and was reunited with her children after finishing the program.”

     As Clark recalls, “Ms. Wanda” was trying to get the center open when they met.

     “She stayed friends with me and loved me where I was. She encouraged me when I was going through not to give up. I felt like I’d failed myself and everybody, but she let me know that failure was not an option.”

     Clark fought mightily to turn her life around. “I was empty and had no more fight in me,” she said. “But then I knew I was a winner. I just thank God that I didn’t end up at a dead end.”

Dione Pruitt:
‘There is no turning back’

     “I’m free, I got peace, and I’m going to keep it like that,” said Pruitt, who has her own home now and a vehicle. Her children also were returned after the threat of domestic violence had ceased and after she was no longer homeless. Thanks to LINCS, “I’m just blessed.”

     Pruitt says she is stronger now than she was before. “I’m still processing and healing on certain things,” she said. “But I’m there. There is no turning back. I’ve come too far. My goal is to get my GED, own my own business, and just live life.”

     LINCS may have been Pruitt’s saving grace. She will graduate this month with her GED. “The only people I can really trust is Ms. Wanda and Ms. JoAnn Lee, my godmom,” said Pruitt, 33.

     “Dione was very timid because of all the abuse that she’s gone through,” Taylor said. “Her self esteem is at an all time high and she’s learned to love herself all over again.”

     Love had been fleeting or nonexistent, Pruitt claims. “When I left my husband, I was homeless and slept in my car. My oldest child was with me; the other children stayed with their fathers,” she said. “I stayed six months at the YWCA and got a referral to LINCS.”

     When Pruitt finally got herself together, her bearings straight, she surprised her daughter. “She was the first to see the house. The others came after a month. They were happy and running everywhere. So I just let them have a good time.”

     Pruitt said she was never told she was beautiful. “Now I know I’m beautiful,” she said confidently. “Nobody can take that away from me.”

Wanda Taylor: 
‘I’m an overcomer’

The women that Taylor has helped to get back on their feet are mirror images of herself. She grew up in a single parent household in public housing and likewise endured verbal, psychological and physical abuse.

     “My mom battled alcohol and my dad was addicted to drugs. So I was raised in the streets and grew up with gangsters, prostitutes and drug dealers,” said Taylor, who once lived with her brother and sister in both the Claiborne Homes and LeMoyne Gardens housing projects.

     The environment that Taylor was accustomed to was dangerous. She’d endeared herself to the underbelly of life and engaged in the type of illicit behavior that could’ve cost her life.

     "At 11, I was introduced to cocaine, alcohol and sex,” she said. “I started experiencing domestic violence at 15, dropped out of school in the 11th-grade, and became a teen mom. I had no morals and values.

     “I was so confused. I was selling drugs, stealing, in and out of the court. I’m the face in incest, homelessness, substance abuse, incarceration – everything. I lived at The Salvation Army twice, in a vacant apartment with my children, and out of my mom’s car.

     “I was shot at, stabbed, almost burned alive, and tied up. Guns were pulled on me countless times. And I also went through an abusive marriage – almost three years,” said Taylor, the mother of two adult children and three grandchildren.  

     In 1992, Taylor made a decision to transform her life. She found Jesus Christ. In 2002, at the age of 28, she received her high school diploma. At 35, she’d received a cosmetology diploma, technical certificate in Substance Abuse Counseling, and an Associate of Science degree in Human Services both from Southwest Tennessee Community College. She also earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Management at the University of Phoenix.

     “I’m an overcomer,” she said.

Battling domestic violence

The news of Sept. 2nd hit Gwendolyn Turner like a ton of bricks. Tasha Thomas, a woman she knew, had been shot and killed outside the University of Little Scholars daycare in Whitehaven. Thomas’ estranged husband had instigated the deadly encounter on the parking lot where Thomas worked.

     “I was breathless and speechless to learn that another woman had become a victim of domestic violence,” said Turner, who’d suffered verbal, emotional, mental, sexual and physical abuse off and on for nearly 20 years.

While friends, relatives and the Memphis community were mourning Thomas at her funeral on Monday (Sept. 8), another woman was shot. This time the triggerman was a former boyfriend who reportedly had stalked and accosted her on several occasions.

Torhonda Cathey, 33, was shot multiple times in a Target parking lot in East Memphis. She was taken to Regional One Health, where she later died. Ronald Ellis, a Memphis firefighter, fled the scene. He is wanted for first-degree murder.

Gwendolyn Turner, who works at the Family Safety Center
of Memphis and Shelby County, assists a client with an Order
of Protection. (Photo: Wiley Henry)

The violence directed at Thomas and Cathey is deeply troubling and all too common, Turner said. It is a reflection of a persistent scourge that gained national attention after a video surfaced recently showing former Baltimore Ravens running back Raymell Mourice “Ray” Rice knocking out his then-fiancée, and now wife, in an elevator in February.

Turner escaped her nearly 20-year ordeal, but other women aren’t as fortunate. She was appalled by the video. So was Vernetta Eddleman, director of Client Services at the Family Safety Center of Memphis and Shelby County.

“It’s fortunate that it was caught on tape,” said Eddleman. “For so many women, you don’t see the premeditation of domestic violence. We saw what went on. Unfortunately, there isn’t a tape for women who experience this every day.”

Just like Eddleman, Turner, also an employee at the Family Safety Center, is working to end domestic violence. “My life’s misery has become my life’s mission and ministry,” said Turner, who speaks out against domestic violence as the center’s unofficial ambassador.

The Family Safety Center often is the first point of contact for domestic violence victims and hurting families. It is a conglomerate of civil, criminal, health and social services that are available to help the victims and reduce incidents of domestic violence.

“The Memphis Police Department, the sheriff’s department and the district attorney are right there to help,” said Turner, noting that 30 partner agencies are available within the center, including legal services. And all services are free.

‘Order of Protection won’t stop a bullet’

An Order of Protection is a legal tool designed to keep the abuser at bay. Tasha Thomas had filed three trying to end the abuse that Charles Thomas was accused of meting out. But the orders didn’t stop him from gunning her down.

     Two days earlier, Tasha Thomas was in the Raleigh community attending services at Golden Gate Cathedral, where Billy Rivers and the Angelic Voices of Faith (BRAVOF) were celebrating their 35th reunion concert. Turner, BRAVOF’s co-founder, announced that evening that the group had a new foundation to combat domestic violence.

     An Order of Protection hinges on whether victims such as Thomas can prove to the judicial commissioner that abuse has indeed taken place. And while Thomas’ case met that standard, it is unclear whether Cathey had filed an Order of Protection against Ellis. Records do show that she’d reported several incidents of stalking to MPD and that her ex-boyfriend tried to run her off the road several times.

     In all cases where a permanent Order of Protection is granted, the alleged abuser is ordered not to have contact with the victim for one year. Also, after signing an affidavit, he or she is not allowed to own, possess, or carry a firearm.

     Charles Thomas was in possession of a firearm. He took his wife’s life and turned the gun on himself, leaving a community on edge wondering how he was able to get to Tasha.

     So questions abound: Is the Order of Protection worth the paper it’s written on? And can domestic violence really be stopped?

     According to the Tennessee District Attorneys General Conference in Nashville, the victim of domestic violence is not safe just because an Order of Protection is granted. After one is filed, the victim – in most cases – may still need a safe place to stay.

     “It’s good in all 50 states and it’s in the national database,” Eddleman added. “The abuser can be arrested, but the Order of Protection won’t stop a bullet.”

     Between 2,400 and 2,500 Orders of Protection were issued in Memphis and Shelby County last year. The laws, however, aren’t stringent enough to keep the domestic abuser in jail after he or she is arrested, Eddleman said.

     “For simple assault domestic violence is 11 months and 29 days. Abusers spend 30 percent of that time and most of them get diversion, or probation, and don’t go to jail at all. They need to strengthen the laws.”

‘A lot of work to do
 in the community’

Between two million and four million women are battered each year in the United States. There are two thousand deaths each year as a result of domestic violence. And at least 25 percent of battered women commit suicide.

     Although the Memphis Shelby County Crime Commission’s Operation “Safe Community” crime statistics showed a decrease in domestic violence crimes between January and July, the statistics are still alarming and shouldn’t be overlooked.

     The following are additional facts for domestic violence in the state of Tennessee between 2011-2013, according to the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation:

• There were 247,069 incidents of domestic violence offenses as reported by all law enforcement agencies in the state.


• Of that number, females (71.9 percent) were three times more likely to be victimized than males (28.1 percent).  


• 99.2 percent of domestic violence victims were either white (57.6 percent) or African-American (41.6 percent).


• By race and sex: Black females (31 percent), white females (41 percent), black males (11 percent) and white males (17 percent).


• From 2011 to 2013, victims were six times more likely to be abused by a spouse than an ex-spouse in domestic offenses.


• Domestic violence resulted in 288 murder/non-negligent homicides during this three-year period.

So can domestic violence be stopped altogether?

“We may not be able to eliminate it, but we can reduce it significantly. We just have a lot of work to do in the community,” said Eddleman, adding that the Family Safety Center enacts a safety plan for victims seeking a way out.

     Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling behavior that is often physical, sexual or psychological and committed by an intimate partner against another. So why don’t victims just leave?

     “If they leave, they go back because it’s about a relationship,” Eddleman explains. “They have children together and want the children to have a relationship with the father (who’s the abuser in most cases).

     “A lot of women stay because they want to stay safe. You’re less likely to die if you stay. The issue is you’re still alive. Most women are killed because they leave. We’ve had two people back to back to get killed.”

(For more information about the Family Safety Center of Memphis and Shelby County or any of its partner organizations, call 901-222-4400)